2 march 2026
God fml. I spent all of yesterday smoking hard and then waiting for more shit.
I smoked thorugh about 40 bucks worth in about an hour. It makes me feel a bit ashamed how much this shit has chokehold on me.
I know many people think quitting is that easy. But if any of you have been in my shoes for a minute, You'll know that that's so wrong.
It started out about a year ago when I really, *really* started to use more. And in that timeframe, I met meth. Which now has turned my life into a wreck.
I can't believe this is how I spend my days. Good thing I have hobbies, including working on this website, that give me something to do all day besides getting high.
I try to keep this facade of sobriety up, but it's crumbling more and more. I hope in ten years that I'm not stuck in this place smoking myself away.
I hope I find something I like doing and that I'm able to make a decent living for myself. I'm considering being a plumber, peer counselor, or a phlebotomist.
My dream job is to be a tattoo artist or medical illustrator, but my bipolar depressive states create awful artblock.
Though I have been thinking up a story that I really want to turn into a graphic novel. But trying to compile the story, making a concise plot,
making sure the characters' backstories match up, and also planning the comic...it all seems like a lot. But big goals aren't achieved over night.
19 february 2026
I finally got my abilify shot a couple days ago. I was nine days late on it. After I got it, I stopped hearing and seeing things like I was starting too. Ate a whole tub of ice cream in two days. God no wonder why I like this anti-psychotic far more than the three I've been on before this one.